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Authors, take note.

So your plot is sublimely ludicrous. Your grasp of basic physical concepts tenuous at best. Your writing so full of blams and slams (italics included) I feel like I'm reading an old-school Batman comic. In fact, your writing has the highest number of italics and exclamation marks per paragraph that I have ever seen in a published novel.

But for all this, you can still redeem yourself - by calling one of your groups of bad guy bounty hunters the Intercontinental Guards, Unit 88, and abbreviating it throughout your novel as IG-88. Yep, obscure Star Wars references will win me over every time. :)

The other thing to note about Matthew Reilly is that he appears to have a curious obsession with people being eaten alive. So far this weekend, I've read 3 of his novels (Ice Station, Area 7 and Scarecrow), and off the top of my head I recall people being eaten alive by:

a) Killer Whales,
b) Giant Mutated Elephant Seals,
c) Tiger Sharks, and
d) Cannibals.

No, I am not kidding. There could be more, it's a bit hard to keep track of the carnage (but I don't think the Kodiak bears wandering around the secret Air Force base actually ate anyone).

If I every go back and re-read these books, I'll definitely need to keep a count. I'd say the total number of people eaten alive so far would have to top 50. The Giant Mutated Elephant Seals took out a lot, as did the Killer Whales. The Tiger Sharks only got a paltry 5 or 6, and I think the Cannibal only got to eat one person during the entire course of the novel.

Did I mention these books are completely ridiculous?
lyore: (Default)
Hello Internet. Long time no see. And a big belated Merry Christmas/Season's Greetings and Happy New Year to you all.

Christmas Break and New Years News )

My internet connection is in overdrive, trying to catch up on the TV shows I've missed. I'm so far behind on Torchwood I've stopped checking the groups - hopefully this will be rectified shortly. Unfortunately, my grand 'catch up on current TV shows plan' has been sidetracked by the fact that I'm on a total Hogan's Heroes kick at the moment. That and reading Matthew Reilly. It would have been Alastair Maclean, but I can't get hold of any of his books.

But speaking of Reilly, his books are some of the most ridiculous books I've ever read, absolutely crying out to be made into an action movie (it's no surprise the author says he's a fan of Hollywood blockbusters). In fact, I think that making them into a movie may actually improve the levels of realism, and I can't think of any other books I'd say that about. Which is why I almost burst into laughter when I read the 'well-researched' comment in the reviews on one of the covers - the books are entertaining enough, but well-researched and accurate they are not. I'd call them 'fairy floss books' - lightweight, no intelligent nutritional value at all, but I'll keep reading them. Well, while I can get them for less than $10, anyway.

In fact, while I'm waiting for Torchwood to download, I might go switch my brain of for a while and start reading the next one. Nothing like mindless entertainment for a sunday afternoon/evening.
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Ok, so I'm back online. There are many reasons for my absence from the livejournal world, but they mostly involved too many books and DVDs, and the fact that [profile] bob_ette has staged an armed takeover of my internet connection. But she's out at the moment, so I have sole posession - at least until she gets back. This means I've been out of touch with the internet world in general - anything I need to know about?

Anyway, during my little break I have managed to read 10 books (Honor Harrington books by David Weber) and get through all of my new HH dvds, watch the rest of supernatural, and up to episode 4 of Dr Who, so I haven't been completely unproductive :)

All I can say about the Supernatural is... )

This has been an expensive weekend so far, and it is only half-way done. I bought 2 pairs of gloves, and this stole-y type thing. And season one of Dr Who, so all those who were interested in seeing the Captain Jack goodness, I can now oblige. This is (yet another) down side of hating my work - I comfort shop. Oh well, at least it was stuff I needed. And yes, Dr Who does count amoung life's necessities.

Bitching about work - you probably don't want to read this )

I have a few other odds and sods I want to share with people, (including the crazyest patent application I have ever seen, featuring special guest appearances by the Androids of the Grey Aliens) but that may have to wait until I remember to forward myself the emails.

Also, I love Bayside. My new fave band (for the next week or so, anyway).


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March 2009

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